Wikipedia: Irony
Irony (from the Ancient Greek εἰρωνεία eirōneía, meaning hypocrisy, deception, or feigned ignorance) is a literary or rhetorical device, in which there is an incongruity or discordance between what one says or does and what one means or what is generally understood. Irony is a mode of expression that calls attention to the character's knowledge and that of the audience.
There is some argument about what qualifies as ironic, but all senses of irony revolve around the perceived notion of an incongruity between what is said and what is meant, or between an understanding or expectation of a reality and what actually happens. "when the literal truth is in direct discordance, to the perceived truth".
I have cried foul play and a huge bellow of unhappiness was pointed at me with hunched shoulders and owlish faces of defensive behavior. Excuses fly, fingers point and secrets are thrown into the light as if to play their Ace in the Hole to prove what a horrible person I am and how wrong I am about everything.
I'm told I'm a thief and not worthy of their respect because I bowed to my weakness of decreed mental illness and became a recipient of Social Security Disability. I'm keeping them from making enough money because I'm living off of the system, which steals from them at gun point and so they can't indulge in all of their expensive latest toys or pay off their sizable debts - because I'm on disability. And because I'm stealing from them, in cohorts with the gov't, they don't need to pay me back any money they owe me, even though they made promises to pay me back.
But I'm the bad guy here and nobody is treating me poorly at all. I'm such a paranoid bitch.
I am asked to gift them paintings for holidays and birthdays, yet they are unwilling to make something of theirs for me claiming that it's their livelihoods I'm asking them to give away. Because as an artist and painter living off of under $800 a month, painting them things like spare tire covers costs me nothing (even though I have to buy the cover for them as well.) But I don't have a real, normal job, it's not like my art is a job with a real income, it doesn't count as much as their money, time and energy.
I worked my ass off and put out months worth of income into community events I either helped with or put on myself. Even if my income comes from your worktime, I work it off by providing people with the space for playtime. I never take without giving back, ever. It's not in my blood to be that selfish. In the process I try to be as big of a recycle/reuser as I can be with all of my art projects so as to not be a consumer whore, while they almost insist that everything be up-to-date, brand spanking new technology and replace it each time a new version comes out. Feeding the corporate giants which control the gov't which pays me. If you want it to stop, then stop feeding the system - don't point fingers at the person the system was made to help. Usually we are too fucked up to do more than sign our names on documents, (I'm unlucky enough to still be coherent and intelligible.)
But I'm the bad guy here and nobody is treating me poorly at all. I'm such a paranoid bitch.
We all get together and dream big. Everyone makes a promise to help in some way, we all have projects we can easily handle. Only two of us come anywhere close to fulfilling our promises, another new one starts a project not considered earlier. Excuses fly - "my life is too much, your life is happy now" and I bite my tongue, not to say:
I worked to cover 3 different aspects of the group project while:
taking care of my very sick and delusional grandmother whenever I'm asked,
planning a Christmas wedding,
being supportive to my two best friends - one just had a baby, the other one was just laid off,
moving and merging my household with Mustard's,
getting to know my future in-laws and trying to jump the hurdle of my future mother-in-law's initial knee-jerk reaction of not liking me for many superficial reasons,
getting to know my 16yr old daughter after 14 years separated from her and having to balance the feelings of her adoptive family while we explore our relationship for the first time,
balancing MY family's reaction to all of the above while they still war against each other over old wounds
and last, but certainly not least
going to therapy weekly to try to face my childhood abuse in order to not continue the cycle with Mustard and our future children.
Yet I ask too much and I don't know what it's like to have a hectic, chaotic, challenging and hard life, where I have no time nor energy to fulfill my promises.
Remember, I'm the bad guy here and nobody is treating me poorly at all. I'm such a paranoid bitch.
Let me tell you something - life is not easy, it does not get easier with age. You have to deal with the bad vibes to make them go away, running away does nothing but leave a bad taste in the mouths of those who look up to you and when you have to return, many times the bad vibes are worse. If you want to be irresponsible, at least own up to it and admit you're lazy, bubble-headed and only want to have fun in your life. Sometimes a lot of thought needs to go into living and Definitely, Always you must put hard work, dedication and strong willpower into making anything succeed to it's fullest extent. Half-assed leads into entropy faster than anything, other than doing nothing at all.
Believe in something worth while. Create for more than entertainment's sake. Put ideas into your final product, ideas which edify and cause growth of thought. We're beyond 1984, let's start acting like it. I'm all about paradox, irony's a beautiful thing. It never/always means what you/I think/feel it does/n't.
I found my validation and I'm sure it'll drive nuts those who, very obviously, wanted me to feel put into place and bitch slapped back into the submissive, do-everything gal again. I feel as though I have been released from a very long imprisonment, all these years...
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