Overwhelming

We finally prove that this country is not a bunch of blind stupid sheep. I hear the whole world is celebrating our election of Obama.

It is overwhelming to be a part of this nation's history right now. So many things happening, so much hope being poured out towards an icon of a man.

I'm reminded of how I pour all of my hope out into the laps of those I want in my life. Instead of taking my life by the reigns and giving myself the things I hope for.

Confusion and fear are survival tools, easily manipulated. Helping us to deal with those things we do not want to face or those things we should not allow. Warning systems built in, so to speak.

I'm am confused about many things. As I've said to a friend, if I wasn't confused right now, I'd be Wonder Woman with my own invisible jet and lasso of truth. I don't know how to face what is in front of me and I do not understand what all it means, so I am frightened. I'm trying to stop the fight or flight from being hair trigger sensitive. Trying to breathe, take everything slowly. No sudden moves, no grandiose ideas or theories, no assumptions, no expectations...

It's a tall order. I'm fidgety with life and a procrastinator, I seem to be at the point in my life where I personify paradox. I wonder how long before I tire of this as well and move on. Gabe once called me something close to being a pioneer. I always seem to dip my hands into things before others catch onto it. Once it becomes a fad I get disgusted and move on. Like too many kids in the pond muddies the water. That's usually when someone gets a leech. ;)

I might pioneer in one part of my life, but in others I'm horribly behind. Almost old fashioned in some ways, completely out of my element and floundering with a few. And I wish life weren't so difficult to decipher. But then what would we do for real fun?

Ok, I'm sleep typing now. Time to go to bed!