Forgotten

I decided to dump my thoughts onto here whenever my feelings get to an extreme.

Tonight I'm feeling forgotten and ignored, out of the loop, left behind.

I made arrangements with friends a few weeks ago to be their designated driver so that I could hang out with a bunch of my friends at a place too far for me to get to and back home without a vehicle and they could drink without driving intoxicated. (I use their car, they drive me home the next day.)

Either they weren't happy with the way things went the one and only time or they've forgotten it altogether. They haven't said anything to me one way or the other.

I know, I need to love myself and not worry about others, but it just hurts to be forgotten. I've been dealing with neglect issues my whole life, people just don't think it's important to consider me. Not my closest friends, not my family, not even to this very day. I'm the one everyone remembers After it's all said and done, then it's "Oops! Sorry, we didn't even think about you, but you didn't really want to do that did you? I mean it's not something you would enjoy, right?"

Yes, I absolutely Hate hanging out with my friends and family, I love sitting at home alone, day in and day out instead. Oh yes, I find being isolated from those I love while everyone else is out partying together Much more enjoyable.

*rolling my eyes*

Feeling left out and forgotten is one of my main depressives. Being ignored by everyone I reach out to (because I do reach out and try to communicate) is another. People just glaze over me and I don't get why. It makes me feel invisible and not worth a goddamn.

I'm done with letting it slide, not letting people know when they are being rude by not replying at all. I have sent out so many emails over the years, inviting people to do things or even just trying to get people to talk, without a single reply from a long list of people. Not a single person thinks to even say, thanks for the thought - sorry I can't participate right now. How long does it take to say that? It took me all of 3 secs to type it just now, so with opening/reading/replying/sending - maybe Maybe 5 minutes tops and that's if you're a slow reader/typist.

The only time I get replies is if I badger people and say "Come on, at least tell me no so I'm not sitting here waiting on all of you." People tell me to call and they don't answer. They tell me "Oh I Always answer this email." and never do.

Unless it's convenient for them to see me, 9 times out of 10 nobody even cares. Nobody tries really hard to get me to come out and play. And don't fucking tell me that I'm just wanting something nobody else gets either. I sit there and watch people desperately try to get others to show up or join them, calling, sending SMS, emailing, bribing, begging, pleading. But nobody ever does that with me, I don't even get the nonchalant "wanna come?" unless I put myself in people's range of view and bribe them.

If I didn't have something to compare what I experience to, I wouldn't be so upset would I?

I know I'll come back to this later and see a pattern I've been missing all along.
Maybe it's time to make new friends, but that never works out - I end up making friends with people who make my passive ones look like attention whores for my love.

Let's just say, I'm a whiny bitch but there's a reason for it and when I look for something better, I am shown what terrible asses people are to each other and why I should be ok with meh treatment instead.