Thinking Romance til it runs out my ears...

So because I'm contrary, even and especially when I proclaim will not do something (usually that means I Will do it) I cannot get my romantic issues off my mind.

On one of the livejournal communities I belong to we've started themed discussions and today's was lyric/poems we love and why.

This was my entry:

I'm a big Crash Test Dummies fan, they are my #1 favorite band.

Lyrics to Sonnet 1 (And When The Sun Goes Down) :

And when the sun goes down into the sky
Together we shall sit and we shall sup
And we shall eat, and drink the heady wine
O, let us share the overflowing cup

We'll ramble on the coast, each side by side
We'll feel the sting of bracing salty air
We'll feel the moon pull at the ocean's tide
And wonder that we are together there

One day these things shall have come to pass
And then the end will come, as so it must
No longer shall we smell the summer grass
No longer shall we know each other's trust

So let us walk, and feel the cooling breeze
Before they're just forgotten memories

author - Brad Roberts
From the CTD album Songs of the Unforgiven

It's from his apocalypse album written after 9-11 (he lives in Harlem, NYC)
It's a reminder to enjoy the beautiful things now as they will not always last.
I actually want this to be played if I'm ever married, it's the ultimate love song to me.

(Click on the title of this post to go to a site where you can listen to it.)

...........................................

In a world and culture obsessed with linear timelines, with how our pasts define us and how to plan for a future which is very uncertain at best - I stand with the rare few who strive to live for right now. I make some plans for near future events (like buying event tickets or plane tickets, etc.) but for the most part I try to live to enjoy what I'm doing right now.

In romance there is no exception, all things come to pass - so why not enjoy what's going on Right Now and stop worrying about where things are going or what's going to happen tomorrow? There are not too many people in this world who can even comprehend how to do this, who fret and worry and run away in fear of how intense this One Moment is. They worry about whether or not they can handle it in the long run, about getting hurt, about so many little things which do not exist in the moment.

Why bring up things which don't exist in the moment? Why not relax and just Enjoy the moment, give it your all? The intensity of my enjoyment and happiness in the moment scares so many off. It brings me sadness, as the happiness of the moment is ruined and overshadowed by fear.

I want to be intense about the moment, I want to enjoy it to the fullest and not worry about where things are going. I want to laugh and sing and dance like a child with no cares. Why does this cause consternation with so many adults?

I love many, as there is boundless amounts of love in the universe to go around and I'm a part of the universe, so I have boundless amounts of love to share with everyone. Every person I have ever loved, I continue to love even when we separate on less than good terms. Love does not disappear because of disagreements or even deceit, it just doesn't work like that.

I can love someone and not want to be around them, love is universal, it encompasses All things.

ALL THINGS - good and bad and neutral.

As I remind myself over and over that we look for the divine all-encompassing love in a physical manifestation and that this is impossible for one person to be for another, I also hear that little voice of truth -

We Are the ultimate physical manifestations of love for ourselves. In order to share this divine love with others, we must first apply it to the self. It is nothing if we don't do this.

And so I go back to the promise to romance myself.
To enjoy the moment to the fullest and to allow myself to experience the intense joy of a child with abandon.
If I accept myself and stop cowering in fear and guilt about not being like others then I ruin the moment.