Habits are hard to break

I basically made a vow to leave people to their opinions and assumptions, to not get angry when they skew something I say and take it way out of context. We are fallible after all, to err is human and all that.

And yet, not even 24hrs after I make this decision I get angry and serve some people a little anger pie. sigh

I must not judge myself too harshly, I am trying something new and it's easier to slip than to stay on course. The more I exercise it, the easier it will become - right?

I'm just tired of people assuming the worst instead of the best. When will we learn as a species? All I can do is work towards this myself and hope that others are doing the same.

Of course, there's the whole bringing the truth to light and gently telling people that they have assumed the worst and that they are way off context and out of line. I just don't know how to do this yet and so it is better to stay silent than to go off on people like a loose cannon.

I am trying with all of my might to not be afraid that I cannot learn this. I can learn anything I set my mind to, right? I can learn anything I set my mind to - that should be my new motto.

Anyone out there think they can teach me math? Algebra level and beyond that is. I could probably use a refresher on fractions too. I get geometry, maybe it's because I have a symbol to show me what's being worked out... is there a way to mix geometry with algebra to get the formulas to make sense?

I really, really, really want to not be so bad at math, I want to get beyond this limitation. It's the only reason I didn't get my degree after all. All I had to do was pass my math courses and I wasn't able to, so I left college with no degree after 4 years of trying to just get an associates in the arts.

I told myself I could do it, I made a real effort to understand it and when I hit a brick wall, I went to the tutors supplied by the school. I was told "how can you not get this, it's so easy? You're just not trying." Everyone thought I was just being lazy and wouldn't help me, none of them believed that I really didn't understand one bit of it. So I quit, after trying 3 times to pass algebra and failing miserably each time - I figured I just don't have the right mind to understand it.

So this is the same thing only in a different context. I have a hard time with my anger, it was the first and main emotion I learned, it was my knee jerk survival reaction from an early age. Fight fire with fire, right? I've gone to therapy for it, I've learned techniques, skills, meditations, mantras - all to get this part of me to not be the ruling part. I am not as angry as I once was, it has calmed down to mostly reactions to people's stupidity in assumptions. Where as it used to be I was angry at the world at large with no differentiations between anything.

I haven't figured out the formula on telling people they've got it wrong without being a bitch about it. So, I just have to have faith that either I'll one day have an "ah-ha!" moment or someone will say something which will bring about the same effect.

Until then, I need to keep my mouth shut, else I dump misery on both my heads and those around me.